Are you overthinking it?
Ever find yourself obsessing over something or spending way too much time thinking and rethinking about it? Maybe it’s a conversation with a friend that didn’t go right and you wish you could have done something differently. Maybe it’s rethinking a decision you made about taking a new job, or even spiraling about why the person you went out with last week just ghosted you. Rumination is the repetitive process of thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and thoughts related to past or future events. Why would we obsess over something or replay a scenario in our minds over and over? Well, it’s human nature to look at a negative situation and want to change it. Our brains are hardwired to look out for threats and prepare for how to handle them. Regardless of if the experience is actually a threat to us, we mentally rehearse ways to manage the situation and turn a negative into a positive.
We tend to ruminate in one of four ways, brooding, reflection, deliberate or intrusive thoughts. Brooding refers to passively thinking about one’s mood or situation in a negative way while reflection is an intentional inward examination of one’s feelings. Reflection is often used as a way for people to understand a situation or find a possible solution. Deliberate rumination is actively thinking about a situation and trying to understand it from all angles. The goal of deliberate rumination is to come to a conclusion about things or make sense of the situation. Intrusive rumination is uncontrollable thoughts related to a stressful event. These intrusive thoughts tend to be unintentional and make it difficult to stop thinking about the particular situation.
Even if ruminating over something is an attempt to cope, this can often lead to worsening your mental health instead of solving a problem. Ruminating can cause us to lose sleep, possible substance abuse, poor eating habits or even an increase in anxiety or depression. Fortunately there are several strategies to help us stop ruminating and break those negative thought patterns and behaviors.
First try to identify the root cause of your rumination, this isn’t the event, situation or person but a deeper concern such as perfectionism, self-esteem or underlying anxiety. Secondly, identify triggers or behaviors that contribute to the rumination. Once you can pin point both of these things it will be easier to challenge thoughts and create behavior change. Cognitive restructuring (or changing our thoughts) involves recognizing unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more balanced ways of thinking. For example, if you had a fight with your friend and are ruminating about if they will never forgive you, and the friendship is over, a way to restructure those thoughts would be to think, we had a fight, they might need a break from talking, do I want to apologize or resolve the issue? This thought change leads to behavior change, so instead of checking their social media and sitting in your feelings you might decide to call them and ask to meet for coffee and talk.
If you’re not ready to make that big of a change, a simpler step could be practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness brings our focus to the present moment, de-fusing us from our thoughts which is the exact opposite of ruminating! While ruminating often feels like getting lost in our own thoughts, mindfulness forces us to bring our mind back into the present through various mindful based activities. A quick and easy mindful activity is the 3-3-3 technique. Whenever you start to get lost in a spiral of thoughts, pause and see if you are able to shift to the present moment by identifying three things you can hear, three things you can see and move three different body parts. This can calm not only your body, but your mind as well, breaking that rumination thought pattern.
Remember to be patient with yourself as you try to learn and implement these new ways of thinking & behaving. It can be challenging to break patterns that have been reinforced over time. If you feel like the worry becomes overwhelming it’s always good to ask for help. Friends, family members or licensed mental health providers can provide additional support to help you navigate these challenges.
